The “victim” label dangled around her neck and she was oblivious to it. She was always the victim and someone else was to blame. I could argue with her no more. Regardless what I said, my friend was not taking responsibility for her actions. She viewed everything I did or didn’t through self-pity and it tarnished her view.
If I didn’t text her back immediately, then I must be mad. If I didn’t answer the phone, then I was ignoring her. If I called to chat with her, then it must be out of pity or obligation. If she hurt my feelings or misjudged a situation, it was always something I did to provoke it. She wasn’t taking responsibility for her erratic actions. It was always my fault or someone else’s.
Her lack of taking responsibility was unraveling our once tightly knit relationship. Her constant victim thinking and self -focus was sucking the life out of her once life-giving heart. It was a slow fade and now her attitude towards everything was mainly blame. She had become an observer of everything in life instead of a participant. She was full of self-pity, always feeling sorry for herself, and always assuming everyone was against her. She was totally self-focused but blind to the truth! Victim was her label, yet someone else had placed it on her – right?!
Our relationship was strained and I new I must relinquish it for a season to the Lord. I realized only Jesus could open her eyes to the truth so I gave her some space. I prayed fervently for Him to move in her life, remove the veil of lies, heal her brokenness, and bring her back to Himself. It was difficult but I trusted God.
The months passed slowly but I continued to trust Jesus. Six months into our time apart, she called, and we agreed to meet for lunch. It was so good to see her and I embraced her tight. She extended her hand and offered me a note. We sat together with tears streaming as I read:
Please forgive me.
After my brother passed away un-expectantly last year I let the adversary come into my brokenness and convince me to feel sorry for myself. I began to believe I had no control over my life and neither did God. I began festering in self-pity and clothed myself with the garments of a victim. It was ugly and I wore it well. But you already know that. I am so sorry for how I treated you. Again please forgive me. I have been set free. Thank you for fighting for me in prayer.
Love you bunches ——
We cried, hugged, and rejoiced for her victory. No longer did she have a victim mentality. She was a Victor in Christ Jesus. It was a precious moment and a glorious day.
Scriptures I prayed for her:
But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:57
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:37
But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. 2 Corinthians 2:14
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love,…Ephesians 3:17
The deception, “It’s never my fault”, is at the core of the victim mentality. Unfortunately the victim mentality is very common today. It shifts taking responsibility of our actions and attitudes off of us and onto everyone else. It is bondage to the believer and destroys relationships.
To be a victim is to believe the lie that everyone is against you and you have no control over your own life. We all face struggles in this life. But we can choose our attitude in the midst of them. We can wallow in self-pity, assume no obligation, and allow the victim mentality to spew blame on everyone and everything. Or we can rise up and start taking responsibility for our life and our actions and be victorious.
Do you wear the “victim” label? Have you believed the lie?
8 warning signs of not taking responsibility and wearing the “victim” label:
- You never take responsibility for your actions or attitudes.
- Self-pity (you feel sorry for yourself – often)
- You believe you have no control over your life and stuff just always happens to you that it is our of your control.
- Everyone is against you.
- Self focused
- Always seeking attention and validation of others
- You always have to be right.
- Nothing is ever your fault.
If you could see yourself in any of the above mindsets, it is time for truth.
6 steps to remove the “victim” label and live victorious.
- Seek Jesus; Pray out loud the above scriptures. And declare them over your life
- Begin taking responsibility for your life and for actions.
- Be grateful.
- Turn your focus outward.
- Forgive yourself and others.
- Becoming a participant rather than an observer.
If God is for you, who dare be against you!
Here is a recommended book for our topic today: It’s Not My Fault: The No-Excuse Plan for Overcoming Life’s Obstacles: by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Written by Ashley white