How to Trust God in Difficult Times When Life Is Out of Your Control
What do you do when life feels completely out of your control?
Being a mother of three beautiful daughters has taught me more about life being out of my control than anything else ever could. Now that my daughters are grown and living their own lives, I am aware that I am no longer in control.
I often tell my daughters that parenting adult children is actually more difficult than parenting in any other stage of life. When our babies are infants and toddlers we have a lot of control, maybe not complete control, but a lot. As they grow through elementary school, middle school, and high school, that control gradually lessens.
Then comes adulthood.
Some parents may still feel a sense of influence when their children head off to college, but eventually, they step fully into their own lives. And in that moment, what little control we thought we had, is gone.
In my latest HER Podcast, How to Trust God When Life Is Out of Your Control, I sat down with Jody Hudson and we talked about this in a much deeper way. Jody faced this loss of control much earlier, as her daughter’s mysterious illness began to take over their lives.
Learning to Trust God Rather Than Be Ruled By Fear
While my children have been God’s instrument to show me I am not in control, they also have been the most instrumental in teaching me to trust Him. He taught me to trust Him with my life and my children’s lives. And He used my children to show me His love for me and for them.
As a mom of young children, I gave fear too much time in my parenting. When they were little, I lived with the fear of something bad or tragic happening to them and probably caused them a few hang-ups in life because of it. We had many conversations about bad people that existed in this world and that they couldn’t trust anyone they did not know.
When someone in my family died in a house fire, I repeatedly had them do fire drills and taught them how to climb out the window and get to safety. I’m not saying having a plan is bad. But, when your life is consumed with trying to control every possible outcome, your trust may be misplaced.
When my oldest daughter was about thirteen, my middle daughter ten, and my youngest daughter three, God took me on a journey of teaching me to totally trust Him using my daughters. At that point, I had been a Christian for about seven years. God wanted me to surrender control of my life to Him and trust Him with everything—even my children.
God Loves Us More Than We Can Love Our Children
God spoke to my heart about His love for me through my love for my daughters. There were moments when I would feel an all-consuming, overwhelming love rise in my heart for my daughters. In those times, the Lord would speak to my heart:
“You see how you love them, I love you so much more than that.”
Other times, as I tried to guide and teach them right from wrong, I would often say, “I love you so much and I want the best for you more than anything.” Again, I would sense God whisper to my heart:
“You see how you want the best for them, I want the best for you so much more than that.”
God kept me in this cycle of teaching, showing me His love through my love for my children, for an entire year.
Then one day as I corrected my oldest daughter, I said those same words again: “I love you so much. I want the best for you more than anything.”
Immediately I heard the Lord:
“You see how you love her. You see how you want the best for her. I love you more. I want the best for you more. Will you trust me?”
I knew He asked that direct question because He wanted my decision and an answer—would I fully trust God?
What Total Surrender to God Really Looks Like
I left my daughter’s room, walked straight to mine, shut the door, and lifted my hands in surrender. Out loud, I said, “Yes, Lord, I will trust You.”
In that moment, everything clicked.
If God loved me more than I could ever love my children…
If He wanted the best for me more than I wanted the best for them…
Then I could trust Him with my life and with my children.
At that point, I had learned so much of God’s faithfulness, goodness, and grace through Scripture. I had experienced it personally. And I knew He would give me what I needed to make it through whatever I faced in life.
Since beginning my journey with Jesus over thirty years ago, and going through a lot of difficult seasons of parenting both young and adult children, God has given me all I needed for every step of the journey.
In truth, we really can’t fix our children. We can’t fix their painful situations or take away their life struggles. But, we can pray and trust and believe God to do what only He can do.
When I read Jody Hudson’s book, My Promise to Alex: Through Pain Comes Purpose, I saw this kind of trust. Jody’s control was stripped away much too early—when her daughter was ten years old. But, Jody experienced God’s profound presence, love, grace, and strength ministering to her in powerful ways.
This isn’t a book review post, but I will tell you her story touched my heart in a special way. I felt the pain of her mother’s heart on the pages. Jody’s story didn’t end like any of us hopes after a long season of suffering. Her daughter didn’t get the earthly healing.
But wow, what a story of resilience and faith.
Tragedy, yet such beauty.
Turmoil, yet such peace.
What To Do When Life Hurts The Most
When life hurts the most, when everything feels out of your control, there are things we can hold onto.
We can:
· Lean into faith — Even when it feels difficult
· Trust God — Even when we don’t understand
· Rest in His presence — Knowing God is with us
· Cling to His Word — Allowing truth to steady our heart
In the podcast, we talked a lot about the power of God’s presence. Knowing God is present in our pain gives us strength. It assures us He is aware and working something greater. Moses understood this because in Exodus 33:15 he said to God:
“If Your presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here.”
I think Moses would rather have sat there on that mountain all the days of his life rather than go through life without God’s presence.
Jody shared her anchor Scripture that reminded her of God’s presence and strength during her suffering — Isaiah 41:10.
“Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
—Isaiah 41:10
One of my personal anchor verses is Isaiah 26:3.
“You will keep him in perfect peace,
whose mind is stayed on You,
because he trusts in You.”
—Isaiah 26:3
This verse is practical. The original language of the word “stayed” paints a picture of someone laying, resting, or leaning upon something. In this instance, we can understand that perfect peace comes when we rest our minds upon the Lord.
When I need God to keep me in perfect peace, I literally imagine laying my head on His lap while He is on His throne. I see Him gently touching my head and stroking my hair to comfort and calm me as I meditate on the verse.
And in that place… I find His presence and peace.
If you find yourself walking through pain or a season of suffering, you will be deeply encouraged and strengthened in this podcast.
Listen here — How to Trust God When Life Is Out of Your Control
